as i spread her thighs, my life flashes before my eyes

i drive home by myself
pavement glistens under streetlamps
flash back to my accident. i remember the sheer force of it
sexy, in a way.
can still see and feel it in perfect clarity in my head. i remember the smell.
strangely, there's no sound after the first crash. i think i was listening to vast
but can't be sure, as my deck was destroyed.
knew it was the end
but somehow i wasn't taken.
i round a corner and there is a wreck blocking most of the freeway
flashing lights and angry commuters.
part of me wonders if i'd been feeling someone elses rush.
continue on. faster.
my thoughts turn darker as days go by.
almost feels like the old me is back again;
the one who sits, surrounded by good friends, and feels like the most lonely person
in the whole of human existence.

spend another night alone.
more lately than in the past year or so.
chalk one more thing up to the world crumbling around me.

i'm not sure i can do this anymore.