and true love waits in haunted attics.

Feels like i update this thing less and less as time passes. I rarely think about this anymore.
and then it pops in my head, like i have to.
Most of my last few blogs seem to have been about the good things going on in my life.
so tonight i feel like a good whine.
some nights it seems like the best purchase i've ever made is my tea kettle.
seems like i'm falling apart, just like i said i would.
the rough-cut of the movie we made is done. we just need to write the score and we can submit it to tromadance.
so that's cool. and other things are still going well. the movie stuff is all good, though it's sucking the life out of me.

so yeah. the good things are still good i suppose.

but.

i have to say.

this year has been the worst year of my life by far.

i went from not having payments to having a new car.
two months later, right before my birthday, i got laid off.
a month later i got a job i hated down in salt lake.
a month after that i got dumped.
i wandered for a bit wanting to die.
then things got better for a bit.
i quit that job for another that sucks even worse.
my computer died and i lost all the music i've written for my solo project over the last few years.
i blew all the valves in my car and had to get a loan for $2000 to fix it, and was out a car for three weeks.
the water heater in my condo leaked and did damage to some lower condos. as a result we may have to move out.
i'm bombing my school tests regularly, in a class i got a solid A last semester in.
my band split up.
i've been sick on and off for like two months straight.
my car got broken into and my ipod got stolen two nights ago.

There's a concept in psychology called General adaptation syndrome.
In a nutshell it says that under repeated stress the body starts shutting down and can/will eventually die.
and that's a very simplified explanation of it, but i kind of feel like that right now. like i'm on my last legs.
like if one more fucking thing goes wrong in my life i'm going to just give up and let all my systems shut down.

and speaking of stress, and being too busy to even breathe, tonight i got roped in to spending all week
on set for a tv show my parent company is shooting.
awesome stuff to be a part of, but i'm on my last legs anyway. it may kill me.

That said, there's some exciting stuff on the horizon too, if i make it that far.
Our parent company is putting together a business plan with a pretty high-level consulting firm.
once that's written out and completed we begin the search for investors (we have people who are dedicated
to nothing but this for us).
provided we find enough investors to fill our business goals, i'll be on a salary, making as much as i've ever made in my life, and getting paid for each project on top of it.
so i pray daily that'll come to fruition and i can devote all my time and energy to something i love,
rather than feeding one more corporate conglomerate.