He watches his face slowly mist over
it disappears like an old movie fade.
There is a shadow of a man staring at me
naked and featureless.
It moves to speak but voice catches in throat
Tonight i am plagued by the places in my heart.
places that used to be filled by those both living and dead
absent friends and tragic endings
A winter chill bites the air at the end of this springish day
a circular drive
smoking in darkness
alone
but for the ghosts i can't ever seem to leave behind.
revelation careens rampant through my head
chest heaves, heavy.
my grim expression masks a strong desire to cry.
i need to. i want to.
more than anything.
but i find myself unable to this time.
haven't since i left her, struck to the core.
i long for peace
for the cold of my exterior to absorb into the feeling parts.
i am sad
i am a wreck
my words fill a void, a lack of sober brutal honesty
i wonder where the boy who felt he had something
to offer the world has gone.
when did he wake up and realize his dreams
were no more than that?
where did love go?
he is full of so much of it.
love and self loathing
the only two things i'm talented at.
love seems like such an empty concept anymore anyway
wasteful
hurtful
love is hearing how she did those things
love is being told my lack of god makes me
not good enough.
love is leaving goddesses
to preserve my lifestyle, such as it is.
i loathe it
and yet can't imagine a world without it
and it fills me
unchecked and unfocused
drives me to anger and hopelessness
the head pounds still
relentless and unforgiving.
my headache takes on its own personality,
becomes a living tormentor.
songs play quietly,
take me deeper into this hole.
He looks around, surveys his surroundings
the room so unfamiliar
.terrifying.
he pulls his crossed legs close, arms wrap harder
head lowers
pulling small against the pressure of the universe
only makes him feel it that much more.